|
welcome WELCOME TO VST-REVIEWS Okay so here's the deal; this is where you pick up your review once they are done. Make sure you tag us once you have picked up your review.! Thank you for requesting @ VERSAHTYLE. We look forward to having you again. site info name.VST-Review featuring.FT ISLAND.version1 content.Reviews contact.versahtyle@hotmail.com established.3rd May 2oo9 WebMissie.Jaelliex3 Co-WebMissie.SaMaNtHa navigation TAG.US; song.of.D`month I Hope - FT Island link us 
the.past credits basecodes.chazzie layout.nana host.blogger |
To Love One Is To Hurt One [Review]
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Author: B2STly-Junhyung Title: To Love One Is To Hurt One Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/junhyung1 Reviewer: [ Sung.ii.ee ] Site: VST http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 4/5 I do like the title, and it matches really well with your plot. Yet, in a list of titles, it wouldn't quite appeal my eye so I'd click on it and read. Hence the deducted point. Also, is it just me or did you double the 'To' in the title...? Anyway, that's something that can pass easily, since nobody looks too attentively at the title up there and can be edited anytime, so I didn't take off another point for that. Poster/Background: 6/10 The poster and background had nothing special. There could've been added some decorations (don't get me wrong, as in don't think I'd exaggerate with the decorations), but it was just a bit plain for what I was expecting. You could've darkened the font of the story a bit, since it seemed a bit too bright for me. Maybe it's just my eyesight which sucks due to allergy, but I still think you should darken the font (it clashes with the background color, which is light-colored too. Also, the BEAST pic you had on the background made the text hard to read too.) Forewords: 5/10 A bit too brief for my tastes. You described the characters, you gave an insight of the plot... But I expected more from it. A more elaborate description of the characters and, personally, I like fics that start in the forewords. Some other reviewer might kick me in the shin and tell me that he/she likes your kind of forewords and stories might start fully within the first chapter, but that's just my opinion. Plot: 12/15 I've read a lot of stories with these love triangles/squares/hexagons/whatever. Yours, however, is something new to read. I'm a sucker for that kind of stories, and I am, indeed, aware of the fact that another reviewer might come and tell me that I gave this a mark that may be too high. The choosing part and the amnesia were quite predictable and overused, as well as the accident. And another thing: I think she remembered everything a bit too quickly. There were absolutely no signs of recovery, only those which were already told by her brother. She sees Junhyung and BAM! Everything's back. I would've added a bit of drama to everything, lace everything up with mystery (Neon cheongmal mystery~ mystery~) and make her remember what she needs gradually, until she's back to her old self. Also, in Chapter 19, how the heck did Ninja-Dujun creep in her room while it's locked and all that? Scattered all around your chapters, too many coincidences. There's always a bit of cliche-ness in all stories around, but all the coincidences are driving me nuts. And the ending was confusing. Okay, I did understand that Junhyung and _____ are together, but what about Dujun? I thought he loved her too. Minhee and Hyunseung? They'd have made a cute couple. You could have continued to tell about their relationships, maybe Dujun would've met Kanghee, and that would've been an interesting twist, I think. Creativity/Originality: 8/15 As much as I love that kind of story, I'm afraid the school love triangle between good boy - good girl - bad boy is a bit old and overused, if you ask me. Dramas, stories, books, fanfics, MVs... You see them almost everywhere, since it's the first idea that pops in someone's head. You added some interesting twists and turns, thumbs up for that. But I think you should've came up with something fresh, but keeping your idea as a base. I do admire the twists regarding Kanghee and ______ and I think that's something I've never seen. But again, the forced marriage between Junhyung and Kanghee is something that isn't quite fresh. Same thing for friends-turned-enemies (for when Minhee kicked ____ out of her house and Kanghee slapping _____ when Junhyung kissed her, obviously when ____ struggled out of his grip, so it was eye-stinging that it was his fault). And another car accident? Isn't this the third? Thank goodness she didn't lose her memory again, I thought I'd punch the screen... Flow: 6/10 Either too rushed or too slow. You wrote several chapters regarding the same day, then there's a couple of days described in the same chapter. When I saw the amount of chapters you wrote, I was impressed, to be sincere. I was expecting something grandious, with detailed descriptions and constant flow, a plot that revealed something happening for a couple of months, maybe a whole year. And here's this part I remarked and was a bit thrown aback; they were about to finish school, since they said they had the last project to do before SUMMER. Then Junhyung left and suddenly, it's winter. ("I saw someone kicking the SNOW and I thought it was Junhyung.") Excuse me if I'm wrong, but I think that only in Australia there might be snow in June, yet it's winter then. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10 Spelling and grammar mistakes here and there, not all of them are visible with clear eye, yet, most of them, I'm afraid. You should have your chapter double-checked before posting it, and I suggest a grammar Nazi for that. As for your vocabulary, it was a bit too limited. You restrained it to simple and understandable words for every English speaker, but a more elaborated and fancy vocabulary, a more literate style, yet appropriate to the readers is highly recommended - the story gets boring otherwise ;; mind me, that's my opinion, for I love reading those literate fics. Characterization: 8/10 I could picture everyone perfectly in my mind, and each of your characters met a certain stereotype (don't get me wrong, the good meaning of stereotypes. As in each character fits in a specific mold). The bad guy, the good guy, the good girl, the cupid friend, the cliques, the bitch... But their personalities seem to change a bit too suddenly. Since Taeyang appeared, Minhee turned into a bitch. Why? Then there's the Junhyung - So(... something. Mind me, I'm not the kind to remember the negative characters' names. Please excuse me :( ) couple. She turned from a bitch to a total sweetheart. Junhyung as well. I understand _____ is such a heart-warming girl and Junhyung seemed to have loved her so dearly at first sight, but I never thought a hard-headed, moron, bastard Junhyung would've changed so swiftly and let Dujun take care of her. He stepped on his ego for that, but it was a bit too harsh. He's such a bitch next to Dongwoon and Hyunseung, and the next moment, if ____ is nearby, he's the cutest puppy you've ever seen. A bit too sudden, don't you think...? Also, if you ask me... Dujun is a bit of a stalker. He's everywhere ____ is, even in the States... And it's a bit creepy. And ____'s character is a bit confusing. She loves Junhyung and wants him by her side, yet she tells him to marry Kanghee. But then she's sad because he supposedly chose Kanghee. She doesn't know what she wants, she switches a bit too often between Junhyung and Dujun. Writing Style: 4/10 As I said, I like stories that are full of details, strongly elaborated and literate. Mind me, but I think yours looks like a script to me. Briefly saying what characters are saying, doing and thinking, then moving on. Also, the multitude of Point of View you used threw me a bit aback, so I had to scroll back a lot of times to see whose point of view it was. I see you like to write at first person, trying to make it seem like it's the confession from the speaker's heart, and I do admire that. But you should do that only when it is to write about a single person, and not change the Point of View so often. If you insist on showing what the others are thinking, simply write all the story at third person. That way, you can say easily that Junhyung thought something, someone else did something and Minhee talked to someone without changing the point of view. Also, there were some parts where you wrote the same thing from Junhyung's, Dujun's and _____'s point of view just to let us know what all of them were thinking at the same time. 3rd person would've been perfect in the situation (or as you wrote somewhere, when Taeyang got _____ to the hospital I think), "No one's PoV". Also, the chapters were rather short, brief and a bit too compact, only insisting on specific scenes. Not my tastes, I'm afraid. Overall Enjoyment: 3/5 As much as I love that kind of story, the way you wrote it didn't make me enjoy it that much. I was given five weeks to read it, yet I finished it in one morning. (That means for me a couple of hours) Indeed, I did enjoy all the drama, the twists and such that made me read on and see what happens to the couple(s) and see who ends up with whom, and that's your luck, for I'm that curious. Sub-Total: 61/100 Extras: 4/5 I know I've been a bit too harsh, but that's just my opinion. I hope you learned what you needed from my review, I'm looking forward to reading more from you, and even if I'm a silent reader, I'm there, at the sequel~! Oh, and regarding your question at the end of chapter 23, I have an account on B2strising x] Total: 65/105 (0 happiness)
Sharing Is Caring :
|
Post a Comment