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♥ The Shale of Memories [Review]
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Title: The Shale of Memories Author: CherryTheDarkAngel URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cherry_luna_1/ Reviewer: SaMaNtHa @ ver-sah-tyle Title: 3/5 I don't see any connection between the title and story yet, but its an ongoing story so never know! I'll give you some points because its stil and ongoing story so maybe later on in the fic there will be a connection. Poster/Background: 5/10 The poster is really pretty, it gives off a feeling of what the fic is going to be about. But why does it have that big star in the middle? It makes the poster look weird. Well I'm giving you half point in this section because the font is hard to read with your background. The bg makes the font hard to read because of all the designs you have so when I read it both the design and words comes together so I can't read it. Forewords: 8/10 The forewords was okay. The length was good. But it was boring, there was no hook to it, and the hook is very important. It helps you capture your readers attention and make them want to read more. You also didn't add a prologue nor did you tell us about the characters but since its an apply fic you didn't know who the characters were so its okay! Plot: 8/15 Well the plot was kind of boring and cliché it was also predictable, If you want to improve on your plot you should add more conflict to it so that you will make your readers surprised or make them want to read more. Creativity/Originality: 8/15 Like I said on the plot, it wasn't original a lot of the writing you wrote were based on Japanese dramas and a lot of the things that happened in the story was common with the other fics I read. The creativity was okay, you added some things that I haven't read so that why I'm giving you some points for this section! Flow: 7/10 The flow was kind of fast for me. In one chapter something happened then the next chapter something else happens and it doesn't have any connection the the last chapter. But most of the time you had the flow under control, you lengthen your time line at some of the time in the fic so you getting points for that! Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10 There weren't any spelling errors that i came across. The grammar and the vocabulary needs work. You miss put words so when you put unnecessary words in your sentence it sounds weird which effects the grammar. Your vocabulary was very basic you only used small words, expanding your vocabulary will help you improve on this section. Characterization: 3/10 There were too many characters, it was confusing and I didn't get to learn their characters/roles in the fic. Writing Style: 4/10 Your writing style was very clear and understandable but you used a lot of dialogue. Its good to use dialogue but using it a lot is not good. Reading your fic was more like reading a play write because all i was reading was people talking to each other. Next time you should write more and use less dialogue, using a lot of dialogue makes you forget to use details in your story. Overall Enjoyment: 2/5 To tell you the truth I didn't enjoy it much, there were too many characters and a lot of things were going on at the same time it was confusing. Sub-Total: 43/100 Extras: 3/5 I hope you learn from this! I hope it doesn't discourage you but encourage you to improve! Total: 46/105 (0 happiness)
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