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Prior Eminence [Review]
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Title: Prior Eminence Author: Rheina URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/Rheina/contents.shtml Status: Ongoing Reviewer: ctanonymous @ Ver-Sah-Tyle {http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com} Title: 5/5 Very romantic, I like it. ^^ The title shows Aaron and Hebe's relationship, their love for the other. It also explains Aaron's devotion and love for Hebe, too. I could tell that he was dedicated to her a lot. Poster/Background: 10/10 It's very good! It's pretty, and you made it yourself. (: Most of all, I like the quote. It sounds romantic, in a way. I also like the pictures because they define the relationship between our two people, Hebe and Aaron. They look like a couple. <3 Forewords: 8/10 Ah... It was quite good. It's very easy to read, and the beginning quotes are very drawing and tugs at my mind. But, I don't think you really told anything much about the story, except that Selina and Hebe are good friends and Hebe and Aaron like each other. I think there should be a little more about conflicts in your story introduced briefly in the forewords. Plot: 12/15 I can't say that this is the best plot ever. It's quite too typical - the usual boy-girl relationship story. There is a lot of this on Winglin, and I think you should add more climatic events to it. Creativity/Originality: 8/10 Again, there are a lot of stories like this on Winglin. It isn't the most original story of all, but it's creative, with all the characters and events that you add and all. Flow: 7 /10 Well, first, your story isn't complete yet, so I can't grade your flow like the way I would. =/ So I marked a few points. Other than that, I still think you should slow down a bit, though. The part where Aaron meets Hebe goes too fast, and you should slow down and develop the part where Aaron falls for Hebe and takes interest in her. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10 I saw quite a lot of errors in your story. Most of them are misused homophones. You seem to always use "there" for "they're," and "your" for "you're." First, getting the meaning difference between those homophones is critical in writing. And you need to use punctuation, especially in your dialogue. It's extremely confusing without commas and periods, so you should use them. Characterization: 9/10 It was good. The personalities of the character were apparently portrayed by your usage of actions and descriptions. The quotations really told much about them. Writing Style: 10/10 Although it is quite a bit simple, your writing style was good. It was simple and not too complicated for the reader to understand, and it's organized. The format is understandable, too. Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 It was very sweet, and it was quite funny too, in my opinion. I love Bebu. <3 Bonus: 5/5 Bebu ftw. (: Nice poster, too. Total: 85/100 Nice work. Sorry it took me so long to finish this review. (0 happiness)
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