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♥ Painted Emotions [Review]
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Title: Painted Emotions Author: Sung Ah URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Painted_SA Reviewer: DarkAngel @ VST Title: 5/5 -Since this is for a contest, I see no reason why I should deduct any points. I also actually thought that the title fit with the story perfect. Poster/Background: 8/10 -I just love the poster. It gives the reader (or specifically, me) a feeling- something like when you go on an adventure and there’s usually something you think. Sometimes, you can think that it’s going to be exciting, and also sometimes, you might think this is interesting and get a little curious while another part is thinking that it might be dangerous and scary. That’s what I think by looking at the poster and background. Also, the green makes it look like a dark, mysterious jungle which also helps darken the mood. I can read the text perfectly, but the green in the background is a little boring for me. Forewords: 9/10 -Forewords are usually supposed to introduce the characters, a summary of the plot, and sometimes small things like the genre, when it started or stopped, and etc. I see that you have all of those major things that make up a good foreword. The reason why I didn’t give you a full mark is because I just have a feeling that something’s missing (and when I feel something’s missing, I can’t give you a full mark). Plot: 12/15 -Since the story is for a writing contest, I can’t give you credit for the plot. I will grade you on how you made the plot more interesting. The plot- when you first see it- may look kind of boring. You made it more interesting for me. I would have never thought that HongKi was an assassin. Actually, I wouldn’t have thought any of them were an assassin, but there are a few questions that have been bothering me. 1. Why do the 2 main males just appear suddenly in the story and at the same time too? If you think about that, you would probably know something’s going to happen and something not very good either. What makes it more interesting is that the two males seem to know each other, so that gives us another hint. Also, Sung Ah seems to be falling for the both of them. 2. How could Sung Ah’s dream not tell her anything? If two boys suddenly appear into your life and they looked like somebody from your dreams, then it would capture your attention. That’s just what I’m thinking, but who knows, maybe it’s true. XD Creativity/Originality: 12/15 -Well, I can’t really do anything much on this one since it’s for a contest, but I just like to say that some part of the story wasn’t really creative. I mean, the characters in the story were regular people. You could have add more spice to Sung Ah then just a regular painter. The assassins were a good touch though. Flow: 8/10 -In my opinion, I thought that some parts went to fast. I think that HongKi would have been better off if he had gotten to get to know Sung Ah better instead of just suddenly attacking after a few days. That just happened too fast for me. A real assassin would have tried to wait for the right moment and then move in for the kill. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10 -I saw little minor mistakes in the story, but they were nothing major. If there weren’t any mistakes, then the story might have been better. I think it was just because you didn’t go back and check. I have the habit of not checking too, so I understand. Characterization: 7/10 -Sometimes, I didn’t really get the characters that well. How could Sung Ah be so calm and let the world pass by her? Sure, she’s shy, but what happened when she found out that both of the males died? And if she really was strong enough to live after her parents were killed, then why wasn’t she that shocked when she found out that two boys that she just met after a couple of days died in her room? I would have also liked to find out what the characters were wondering, since you didn’t really explain their feelings and emotions. Writing Style: 9/10 -I don’t have a problem with your writing style, but it’s just that you make it too formal. For me, that’s sort of boring to read. I like to read someone’s point of view and feelings. Without it, it just makes the story look plain. Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 -The story was good. I liked it, so another 5 points :D. It was nice, and I think that you’ll become a better author once you grow up. Sub Total: 83/100 Bonus: 3/5 I bet you’ll become a great author once you grow up! Keep up the good work! Total: 86/100 (0 happiness)
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