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♥ Love Candy [Review]
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Title: {L}{O}{V}{E} - [C][A][N][D][Y] Author: Yuu URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lovecandy/ Reviewer: SaMaNtHa @ http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com/ Title: 2/5 Your title is different but it doesn't connect with your storyline. Poster/Background: 6/10 Your poster was good, it included a title, cast, and a quote but it seemed kind of empty. There could've been more stuff in your poster like more color blending. It was a simple poster it didn't give me an impression of what your story was going to be about, but its not your fault. Your bg was plain but it made your font easy to read so its good. Forewords: 7/10 Your foreword was good. It was at good lengths, you included all the information that are suppose to be in forewords. You added a catchy prologue, character information, and an authors note. It was good but not great. When I read I came across a lot of grammar mistakes and so forth. Having mistakes like that on your foreword isn't attractive it tends to make readers lose interest so working on that will and can make your foreword much better! So keep it up and fix your mistakes. Plot: 12/15 Your plot is very different, I never read a story like that before! I thought it was good, but there's still room for improvement, like adding more conflicts in your story so that you can keep your readers attention. So it was good but just add more details and go deeper into your plot, make it more interesting than it already is! Creativity/Originality: 13/15 I thought it was creative but like I said put more conflicts in your story. It will make your story much better but be sure to not add too much that you confuse your readers and yourself. The originality was also good! I can tell that the plot was made by you! Flow: 8/10 The flow was balanced most of the time. It was good but at some point in your story your flow was too fast or too slow. Adding more information can make your flow go slower and adding less information makes your flow go faster. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10 You had small spelling mistakes here and there, but for most part it was pretty good. Your grammar needs a lot of improvement, there were a lot of mistakes. You word your sentence weird so when we read it, it seems weird, for example, "Didnt eat since morning? ahhahah!" Kouta muttered when he heard Ren's words as he chuckled after that, feeling so funny about that since he knew Keiko eat A LOT this morning. She even took his bread because hers was finished. That doesn't sound right it's a bit confusing too, you should change it up like this; ["Didn't eat since morning? ahhahah!" Kouta muttered as he heard Ren's words. He chuckled after hearing her words, it was funny to him because he knew Keiko ate A LOT this morning. She even took his bread because hers was finished.] See just reworded and adding words into your sentence can affect your sentence and improve them. Your vocabulary was okay, most of your words you used were basic, so expanding your vocabulary will be good. Characterization: 4/10 Your characterization needs improvement. I didn't really understand you characters. You didn't tell us a lot about them, all I know is that they are stars and that's about it. I didn't understand their personalities in your story. Telling your readers more about them helps your readers connect with your characters. Writing Style: 6/10 Your writing was neat but it wasn't understandable. Like I stated above your grammar needs a lot of work so when I was reading it, and how you word your sentences it throws me off because I don't understand, so I have to read more than once. So you need to improve on your grammar so your writing will be clearer. You also need to put your commas too like, Tell me Tell me Tell me when you repeat something you always need to put commas like this Tell me, Tell me, Tell me. Overall Enjoyment: 3/5 I thought it was a good fic, but it was hard to understand. Sub-Total: 67/100 Extras: 3/5 I hope you learn something from my review! Thank you for requesting at VST! Total: 70/105 (0 happiness)
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