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♥ I'm The Girl, You're The Boy [Review]
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Story Title: I'm the girl, you're the boy. Author: guilunlover Story Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/gen_guilunlover/ Reviewer: Juliada3 Title: - 4/5 Your title fits with your story. It makes sense because of the whole theme that you're basing your story on, that GuiGui acts like a guy and Aaron acts girly. Poster/Background: - 9/10 The poster and background fit well with your story. Your background doesn't conflict with the text, so it is easy to read. Forewords: - 7/10 Your forewords were okay. You gave a synopsis, and you described all of the characters, but you could have done a better job by telling more about each character. Plot: - 11/15 I kind of thought the name change was a little weird and didn't sound right, but it didn't conflict with the story. Your plot was pretty good. You had some stuff in there that was different, but not completely new. Creativity/Originality: - 9/15 You didn't really do anything of your own, except for the fact that you changed the characters' names. Aside from that, the only other thing that I think you made up was the fact about wishing on a sunset. That was pretty good, but there should be more of those moments. Flow: - 7/10 It flowed pretty well, but the end seemed kind of weird. I don't know, but it seemed like you didn't do something to make everything fit together. You skipped from 3 months to a year and a half to 2 years. I got a little confused when time started to pass so fast. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: - 6/10 You had many run-on sentences and some spelling and grammar mistakes. Your vocabulary could improve, so your words don't seem too boring. Characterisation: - 6/10 Some of your characters seemed real, while others just seemed like names on a page. If you gave more personalities to those people in the background who are supporting characters, then all of them would come to life! Writing Style: - 7/10 I thought it was a little weird when you switched between paragraph style and script style. You can still do flashbacks in paragraph form. You could also space some more between every couple of lines to make it easier to read. Overall Enjoyment: - 3/5 I liked your story. It was pretty entertaining and interesting to read. Keep working hard! Sub Total: - 69/100 Bonus: - 2/5 Total: - 71/100 (0 happiness)
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