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♥ Here's A Tip [Review]
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Story Title: Here's a Tip: Don't fall for Vampires by animeangel1997 Story Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/animeangel_1/ Reviewer: Cari @ ver-sah-tyle {http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com} Title: - 4/5 The title is interesting and definitely different. Poster/Background: - 5/10 The poster doesn't really go well with the story because it is too bright, when the story is more about a gloomy topic with added twists. The solid black background with the white text and red picture only brightens the story. A better background will be of blackish gray coloring with the text color blending in but still be easy to read. The poster needs to just be really bright or more on the harmonious side in coloring and pictures because the only visible part of the title is "don't Fall For" and "Animeangel1997 Storyline," but even that is a little blurred. Forewords: - 8/10 Interesting little summary; however the sentence structure can be a little better with more ideas and better hook. There are good detailed descriptions of each character, but need to be written with more organization. Readers will be bored and end up lost with lists, especially when they look endless. Plot: - 13/15 The plot is different and draws attention with mostly steady developments throughout each chapter. There are interesting elements in how the story is progressing that enhances each chapter. There were cliffhangers that really creates suspense. There is a need for ideas to develop more thoroughly; so that it wouldn't be as brief and lack in-depth thoughts. Creativity/Originality: - 14/15 The idea is unique. It is not about the normal story of male vampire meet human female and suck her blood; so that she ends up in his care and they fall in love. The use of different elements and the creativity with weapons and allusions adds a special twist to the whole make up of the story. Flow: - 7/10 The flow was great until the end of chapter 6 because of the differing scenes without much details that lead into each new chapter. There could have been more details in each chapter to have better transitions. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: - 5/10 1. Remember to capitalize the first letter of the first word of the sentence. 2. Use a larger and more diverse vocabulary list and check the words used. 2. "“There, Chairman Cross, happy? I brought here,” he said, then left the room." Do you mean 'I brought her here?' 3. "Well, Rita and I did. I found out that others sometimes call her Kit Kat, so I decided to too." The punctuation should probably be 'call her Kit Kat; so I decided to, too.' 4. "So when we finally reached my room, we said our goodbyes’ and they left for prefect duties." We said our 'goodbyes' will emphasize what is said. 5. "After twenty minutes, then students aren't allowed to leave their dorms." The sentence will be better said as 'After twenty minutes, the students aren't...' 6. "I decided to explore, just in case it was someone up to no good." The sentence should be 'just in case someone was up to no good.' 7. "They should learn to keep an eye on theirself." 'Theirself' is not a word; so the word that should replace it is 'themselves.' 8. "But I couldn't help but think what the president would do to them." The sentence should be read as 'I couldn't help but to think..." 9. ""Ehehe.... no m'am....," I said." The word 'm'am' does not exist; so a correction will be 'ma'am' or 'madam.' Characterization: - 8/10 Each character's description was pretty detailed in the forewords and developed in the story, but more developments in the story would have been better than more listing in the forewords. Writing Style: - 6/10 The way you explain possible new words or ideas to readers are wonderful to keep their interests. There are some varying sentence structures and wording, but more will be helpful to keep the readers guessing. The chapters are quite short, especially when the long spaces in chapter 6 and 7 can be better used with words to fill it up. There should be more descriptions in the settings and the plot to allow the developments of imagery in the readers' mind. Overall Enjoyment: - 3/5 I found that the story once it started can capture my attention. However, due to the writing with so many ellipses and the shortness of the chapter, sometimes I just drift off into some other things on my mind. Sub Total: - 69/100 Bonus: - 2/5 Keep up the hard work. Don't give up trying. Thank you for requesting. Total: - 71/100 (0 happiness)
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