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♥ The Hardest Assignment [Review]
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Author: ~SoullessBody~ Story: The Hardest Assignment Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/SoullessBody/ Reviewer: Darkess *My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you* Title: 4/5 This title fits, because Ren does seem like he would be a very hard assignment, but I don't think that this title would really stand out that much on the winglin page TT.TT Poster/Background: 10/10 They're just so intriguing. I love how everything is kind of foggy and like pixelized. It makes it look really nice and put together well. Forewords: 6/10 Hm... it was a nice intro to the main characters, but I think that you could have added a few quotes or something in the forewords to spice it up a little bit. Spelling/ Grammar: 6/10 Mika opened the door she hurried to the counter ordering her usual Chocolate-Milk (chapter 1) Mika opened the door. She hurried to the counter, ordering her usual Chocolate-Milk Will you stop calling me that I’m not even a graduate yet to be considered as a doctor (chapter 1) Will you stop calling me that? I'm not even a graduate (yet to be considered a doctor is put wrongly as well... I just don't know exactly how to fix it correctly) You're always late we don't get to spend time with you the break will finish soon (chapter 1) You're always late. We don't get to spend time with you! The break will finish soon, Mika sat on a bench as she skim read the profile of the patient but was distracted when a shadow loomed over her. (1) Mika sat on a bench as she skim read the profile of the patient, but was distracted when a shadow loomed over her. your always (1) you're always still hanged (2) still hung I met the guy (2) I meet the guy You forget to end your sentences a lot. Don't forget to put punctuation in, or else you sentences turn into run ons astound by (2) astounded by She she shook back (2) huh? I’m sure am (3) I sure am your not (3) you're not Your welcome (3) You're welcome wile washing (4) while washing Your in medicine (4) You're in medicine? whipped (4) wiped don’t you (4) can you can here (5) can hear Mika have known (5) Mika has known ressured (6) reassured barley (7) barely case have (7) case has long as am out of here. (8) ? came it out distant (8) ? Plot: 10/15 whoa. I did not expect Ren to get in a fight. I thought he'd be like the quiet type to just walk away. But, like me, his mp3 is his life. I think I'd also swing a fist if someone broke my mp3 -.-. You have some twists in your story, but I think that you should add a little more personality to it, and really twist up the plot to make it your own. Creativity/Originality: 15/15 I thought that the anemic thought was really unique because I've never seen it around winglin before. I like how it seems that Mika wants to spend more time with Ren than with Hiro, because in normal Drama stories this would be the other way around. I like how the wanna be doctor is afraid of needles. I just like the whole unique concept. Flow: 5/10 I can't really see this happening in real time. It jumps ahead in time a lot, and I can't really tell how long people have known each other or how much time has passed. Characterisation: 6/10 Hm. You were able to build on the characters a little bit, but not as much as I would have liked to see. I'd like to feel like I personally know the characters in your story, as if they're my best friends, and so far I can't feel that way about your characters. Writing Style: 10/10 Your style is easy to read and understand, and you added many details into your writings. I liked how the story wasn't all dialogue, and that there was more description than there was talking. Overall Enjoyment: 2/5 Honestly I had to push myself to read this story because the first 5 or so chapters were really uninteresting to me. It has started to get really good though, so please update ^.^ Subtotal: 74/100 Bonus: 5/5 For using your choice medical condition correctly. Total: 79/105 (0 happiness)
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