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♥ The Fallen Angel [Review]
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Title: The Fallen Angel Author: bhaby_aiya09 Story Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/ghostielun04/ Reviewer: ctanonymous @ Ver-Sah-Tyle Title: 2/5 To be honest, I liked how your title gave a mysterious feeling to it, but it’s too common. I’ve seen a lot of titles like this on Winglin. And I think it gives too much info about your oneshot. Poster/Background: 7/10 I like your poster! xD Especially since you made it yourself. You also chose your pictures well; the facial expression of Aaron kind of showed his fallen self, and how he’s not angelic, though your picture of Gui Gui doesn’t match her personality. It gives a feeling that she’s sly, which she’s not in your oneshot. Your black background…it totally clashes with the pinkness. The hot pink it too bright to read, my eyes hurt after reading. Forewords: 6/10 Truthfully, your forewords were not really great. It was entirely too brief and quick, it was rushed and you only wrote questions that related to the storyline too little. It was TOO short, whatsoever. Plot: 10/15 Your plot was too simple; it lacked a lot of important points of which you could have included to make the story better. It didn’t really make sense to me, either…it was rather confusing and too brief. Creativity/Originality: 10/15 This storyline for the Guilun pairing is much too common. I could search this up on Winglin and I’d probably get more than 30 results. I’ve seen too much of these stories. But aside from that, I like the way you write it in a poetic way, so extra points for that. Flow: 4/10 Simply too fast. You don’t include when, how, or why they start to fall for each other, and you progress way too quickly from the beginning to the end of the story. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10 You should work on replacing some smaller adjectives with bigger ones—that would help your story flow better, and it would acknowledge that you know a lot vocabulary. Characterization: 4/10 Big lack of detail and description. You don’t portray any character traits or habits or anything like that throughout your characters’ feelings or dialogue; you don’t give hints in the text or develop into your characters. Writing Style: 6/10 I liked your writing style, especially your poem form, but it was too simple, and the lack of detail didn’t help. Overall Enjoyment: 2/5 Truthfully, I didn’t really feel like reading it. When I first read the forewords, it didn’t make a lot of sense, and other than that, I’m a Bebu fan. Sorry if that’s offensive, but I just don’t really like Guilun. Total: 51/100 I apologize if I’ve offended you in anyway, but I was being honest, and I’m a pretty harsh grader. (0 happiness)
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