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Destined Review
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Author; Yalun_Loved Story Title: Destined Story Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jonghyunn Reviewer: Jaelliex3 @ http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 2/5 The title is too clichéd. You should have chosen another word that means the same as destined so it won't be clichéd. Poster/ Background: 5/10 The poster and background is too purple. It doesn't really bring out the melancholy mood of the story. Forewords: 3/10 The forewords were straight to the point which was really good. The only problem is we already know what the whole story was going to be about. It was too straight forward that I lost interest in reading the whole story because I already predicted what was going to happen. Plot: 5/15 The plot is too clichéd. I've read a lot of the same plot, I, too wrote the same plot before. Creativity/ Originality: 10/15 I love how you ended it with him hugging her. You didn't end it with them being together. If there's a sequel to this then I must read. Flow: 4/10 Everything happened so quick for me. This was just too quick for me. Spelling/ Grammar/ Vocabulary: 5/10 Because of your spelling and vocabulary you lost a lot of mark. "Why are here all alone?" Jonghyun asked concerly. It should be: “Why are you here all alone?” Jonghyun asked concernedly. "I'm not sure; He mentioned something that he needed to take her of" It should be: “I'm not sure. He mentioned something about taking care of something” Little mistakes like that should be revised so you don't lose points. If you are using Microsoft word then it's great but if you don't have it, proof reading is good although I know it is hard to read our own works sometimes. Characterisation: 10/10 You described each character very well. ^^ Writing Style: 5/10 This writing style is too common. Try expanding your vocabulary more so that you can write a sophisticated piece. You might want to consider changing the layout of your writing when you expand your vocabulary. Overall Enjoyment: 9/15 I enjoyed it because I love Jonghyun and if he fought for me the way he did for her then OH MY GOD I would love him forever and ever. His courage was something I admired; I wish I was as strong as him. Fighting for what makes you happy is really great and I adored him for that. The only problem is the story went too quick for me. Sub-Total: 58/100 Bonus: 5/5 Love Jonghyun for sure ^^ Total: 63/ 105 (0 happiness)
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