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Why is my life so messed up?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Author: `groar Title: Why is my life so messed up? Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_wmlsmu/ Reviewer: ctanonymous Site: VST http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 4/5 Although your story is still developing and not much of the 'Why is my life so messed up?'-ness has showed, it sounds suitable for your story. But, keep in mind that you missed some capitalization places in there. Poster/Background: 9/10 It's very pretty, and the simplicity of the color combination and the pictures define your theme very well. The text was also very easy to read. Forewords: 7/10 I think that you did a nice job of introducing Toni in here. You described a decent amount of info about her, and what her situation is. But, below that, where you tell her age is 16 and all the other characters are the ages they really are, you should tell their ages, as some readers may not be familiar with SHINee. Plot: 11/15 Your plot is okay, but there's not really anything in it that makes it stand out. It may just be because your story is still ongoing and incomplete, but so far I haven't really seen a big climax or exciting point in your story. Creavity/Originality: 10/15 I can't say that this is the more original storyline in this genre on Winglin. The characters and plot are very similar to those of other fanfics, and it's not completely uncommon. However, I like how add a bit of humor into it. Humor makes everything seem better. :D Flow: 8/10 I can't completely grade on your flow since this fanfic is still incomplete. From what I've read so far, it's going at a good pace, though there are some parts where you may need to slow down. (i.e. When Toni meets Sulli and gets off to a bad start with her, and when Sulli finds out that Toni know SHINee personally -- I think those are some places that you need to slow down and develop into it more.) Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10 Most of the spelling and other mechanics are good; there are little mistakes. The only mistakes you really have are: switching between tenses throughout the story, and using the wrong homophones. Sometimes you use present tense in a chapter, but then you use past tense words later on. And, "to" is not the same as "too"; one means to do something, as in action, and the other one means more than needed. They are not the same. Characterization: 9/10 Good characterization! I could tell quite a bit about the characters from the way you described them in words and from what thoughts and actions they had. I'm not familiar with SHINee, but from your writing I could imagine how they are like. Writing Style: 10/10 I love your writing style. Everything is very smooth, clear, and not bunched up together. I like how you use really academic language in the non-dialogue parts of your story, and it makes everything so much better. (: Overall Enjoyment: 3/5 I like how funny the boys are! Cutee. <3 Subtotal: 78/100 Extras: 5/5 For requesting from VST, and because I like your poster and background. :D Total: 83/105 (0 happiness)
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