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A Summer To Remember
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Title: A Summer To Remember Author: ava_lava Reviewer: astrogirl* Site: VST Title: 5/5 The title is short and fits your oneshot well. Full points! Poster/Background: 10/10 I was happy to see how your poster and background reflected the "romantic summer" mood of the story. Your background didn't interfere with the text and your poster helped give the reader an idea of what the story would be about. Forewords: 9/10 I liked how you included the information about the challenge as well as the oneshot itself, which helped provide information for the reader. However, I would suggest that you more clearly differentiate between the information and the excerpt, since it confused me a little at first. Also, I would label what the summary was, just so it was clearer to the reader. Plot: 13/15 Your plot seemed sort of like the typical "quiet girl falls for exuberant boy," which one would probably see in a manga or drama. However, that's not to say that it's a bad thing; the way you wrote it and the way you stylized the events in the story really helped set it apart from others. I think the biggest twist that helped your oneshot stand out was how Doojoon thought he was gay because he had thought Amber was a girl. Creativity/Originality: 13/15 Like I said, it seemed kind of like something you'd see in Asian media. I did like how you made Amber to be the boyish one and B2ST think she was a girl, though, which was an interesting twist to the typical standard. Flow: 9/10 I felt that your flow could have moved a little faster or, rather, slowed down a little. I would have liked to read more about Amber's developing friendship with the members of B2ST instead of just their initial meeting. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10 In my opinion, you didn't have very many mistakes. There was only one time where I thought you probably should have capitalized something, like YOU DID: “Amber honey? Can you go help your father?” the sharp yet gentle voice of my mother interrupted my short-lived moment of absolute elation. I WOULD RECOMMEND: “Amber honey? Can you go help your father?” The sharp yet gentle voice of my mother interrupted my short-lived moment of absolute elation. Other than that, though, I found no errors. Characterization: 10/10 The way you developed your characters was quite nice, I must say. I liked how you clearly made each person different, with their own little quirks and traits. Anyway, your characters were really nicely done, I liked how I could tell them apart from each other. Writing Style: 10/10 I found your writing style to be rather fluid and, definitely, easy to read. The way you wrote from Amber's perspective was quite realistic as well, and it didn't seem like there were any inconsistencies throughout the story. Overall Enjoyment: 4/5 Your story was really great! I think you categorized it nicely into a romance/comedy genre. I think my favorite part was the OCD Dongwoon and how he freaked Amber out; that was quite funny. Sub-Total: 92/100 Extras: 3/5 This was really nicely written! Plus, I like f(x) and B2ST, so...yea. Total: 95/105 (0 happiness)
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