|
welcome WELCOME TO VST-REVIEWS Okay so here's the deal; this is where you pick up your review once they are done. Make sure you tag us once you have picked up your review.! Thank you for requesting @ VERSAHTYLE. We look forward to having you again. site info name.VST-Review featuring.FT ISLAND.version1 content.Reviews contact.versahtyle@hotmail.com established.3rd May 2oo9 WebMissie.Jaelliex3 Co-WebMissie.SaMaNtHa navigation TAG.US; song.of.D`month I Hope - FT Island link us 
the.past credits basecodes.chazzie layout.nana host.blogger |
My Life with My Uncle
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Author: chiakichijo Title: My Life with My Uncle Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1517/my-life-with-my-uncle-superjunior Reviewer: [ Sung.ii.ee ] Site: VST http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 3/5 Far from impressive. If it were for me to choose a story from a list of fanfics, I'm sorry to say that your title wouldn't catch my eye at all. Yet, I gave you a couple of points for it matched the plot of your story. Poster/Background: 7/10 If it were for me, I'd choose that kind of gray-ish purple for a melancholic/sad-ish story. Yours is 'sad' only in matters of Rin Hye's parents having died and she being bullied in school by that Baek-.. Whatever (sorry, but I don't tend to remember the negative characters' name xD). Ryeowook is her uncle, and when I saw the poster, I was like 'Wow, what the hell is gonna happen? Couple? LOL!' but as I read on, I thought that, instead of Ryeowook's pic, some Sungmin-Rin Hye-Kyuhyun love triangle inspired poster would have worked better (:. Forewords: 10/10 Pictures, short insight of a plor, character descriptions, story starting in the forewords - THANK YOU! I've been reviewing for quite a while now and I really, REALLY! like stories that start in the forewords. I couldn't have asked for more! (: Plot: 10/15 Your plot is okay. I like that kind of plot, but there are some things that just don't find their place there: like, asthma + sports...? Equals bad combination. I DO have asthma and I almost fainted after a track! (how misfortunate...) so it's quite utopic for someone with asthma to make any kind of physical effort (as in PE classes or anything further). Again, when I saw your poster, I thought it would be some kind of relationship (as in couple-like) between Ryeowook and Rin Hye - so Kyuhyun-Rin Hye-Sungmin love triangle kinda threw me aback. Creativity/Originality: 7/15 However, your plot isn't something I'd call original. A girl whose parents have died - Okay, misfortune, but it doesn't seem appealing when you've read another plot with the same girl (as in the description - a girl with no parents... I kinda got tired of that stereotype). Some more interesting twists and turns to make your plot fresh, a couple of cliffhangers... I think it would help A LOT! Flow: 4/10 Rrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyyy slow. Your story had 12 chapters when I read it, and I barely think all the chapters captured Rin Hye over 2-3 days. I understand you want to write every single detail, but writing longer chapters (like, merging chapters which capture one day) would really help a lot in reading. Since I'm used with the specified style of writing, I was a bit confused regarding the flow - I thought the day passed with no other events when the chapter ended, but the next chapter(s) told me it was the same day. Really confusing. So yeah, merging/fusing chapters would help readers understand a lot! (: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10 Average vocabulary, simple words, nothing special, slight errors here and there regarding the tense and noun-verb or noun-adjective accord. A grammar nazi to double-check your writing would help you improve. Also, you used simple words and an easy-to-understand vocabulary, for your readers are from all around the World and might not have the best and largest vocabulary ever (neither do I! xD), though, a couple of fancy words here and there would've been impressive. Characterization: 6/10 Characters described in the forewords, okay. But other than their physical description, I would've loved to get their personalities from the way they act around one another - yet your character, Rin Hye, seemed a bit changing to me. I mean, if she lost her parents and spent her time in an orphanage, how come she's so understanding and believes everyone by heart? It might be a thing of 6th sense, but your story was a bit too realistic to just burst in with a 6th sense or anything. So yeah, either Rin Hye was a bit fake (pardon me, it's just an opinion) or she was just... naive/credule. Writing Style: 7/10 You could really use a grammar nazi and/or someone with a truckload of imagination to review your writing and write more on the side of your story - in the means of completing your story, adding details, correcting all the errors. The whole 'first impression' would have a huge boost, believe me (:. As for your own writing style, I believe it's a bit too simple and brief. You only detailed the actions and thoughts of characters, but that wasn't enough for me. Overall Enjoyment: 2/5 To be frank, I didn't quite enjoy it. Even if the chapters were short and described a short period of time, their actions were so predictable that I procrastinated a lot on doing your review, and I apologize for that (since I also am in school, and it's pretty much prioritar). Sub-Total: 72/100 Extras: 3/5 I'm sure you can improve a lot. Keep writing! As for your question, I'd looooooove it if she ended up with Kyu, they'd seem a really REALLY cute couple, haha. Again, sorry for I took too long to write your review, but school is KILLING me! T__T Total: 75/105 (0 happiness)
Sharing Is Caring :
|
Post a Comment