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Music Magic
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Author: lun_luv_gui Title: Music Magic Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Ella01 Reviewer: Juliada3 Site: VST http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 4/5 Your title is interesting, as it automatically makes me think that your story will have something to do with music. However, what draws me in is that I have no idea what form music will take in your story. Since you included the word magic, that makes me wonder if this will be a fantasy fanfic, or if it is just considered as a metaphor. Poster/Background: 9/10 Your poster is good, and has a soft, sad tone to it. It has both main characters, and ties back to your title. It was really beautifully done. The only problem I have is that I wish the font were an even darker color than purple, that way it would show up even better against the background. Forewords: 10/10 Your forewords were good. You gave a description of the main characters, and that helps readers to understand their personalities in your story. You also gave a synopsis, which told what your story would be about, without giving away the ending. You also used a cliffhanger to keep the readers curious. It is very unusual to see a forewords with both of these things. Good job! Plot: 13/15 I liked the plot. It was pretty simple, and nice. The theme that you created, a girl likes a boy, but he at first rejects her, is pretty common, but you changed it a bit by adding the part about music. I feel like you could have elaborated more on that front, so that it would do it justice, since it is an important component of the story. Creativity/Originality: 10/15 The only thing that I could see that you created yourself was the fact that the only way to get through to Aaron was through his music. This was an important part, though, as this was basically the basis of your story. If you added more ideas, your story would be even more memorable. Flow: 7/10 You were doing pretty well with your flow, until the piano competition. It seemed like you just sped through the most important part of the fanfic. If you slowed down, and gave a lot more details, and made it seem as if the readers were right alongside them as they were competing, that would make your story even better. Also, since you sped through it, it took away from the magic. If you slowed down, and let us know your characters' thoughts, then maybe it would seem more reasonable for him to suddenly like her. If you added a part where you showed us his thoughts, with him thinking over all that she has done, and then show how he likes her, that would make your story even sweeter. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10 You had several grammar errors, and there were a few times where I think you accidentally hit the wrong key, creating a different word then what you intended, and unintentionally changing the meaning of the sentence. However, it was still legible. Your spelling and vocabulary were okay, but I think you could use words that invoke more imagery than the ones you used. Characterization: 8/10 I think that Gui Gui was characterized pretty well. It showed her personality, and her optimistic nature. Aaron was also characterized well, with his coldness and aloofness. However, if you changed your whole story to paragraph style, it would give an even clearer picture of your characters. Writing Style: 5/10 Your writing is half paragraph and half script. When you switch from style to style, it becomes a little confusing, and loses the details that paragraph style would offer. If you changed all of your dialogue parts to paragraph style, it would give a better impression of what the characters are feeling as they are speaking. Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 Sub-Total: 79/100 Extras: 5/5 I am so sorry for the long wait! Total: 84/105 (0 happiness)
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