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Excuse Me Miss
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Author: Sarapyon Title: Excuse Me Miss Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/11265/excuse-me-miss-kiseop-korean-kpop-romance-ukiss Reviewer: EverlastingQ. Site: VST http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 5/5 The title is really unique and I absolutely love it. It somehow portrays this curiosity against the readers and get them thinking. At first when I read it, I immediately thought of a male character accidentally bumping with the female character, then they start to become friends and so forth. I don't know why that popped into my mind, but yeah. The title is interesting and brings out your imaginations, then you start assuming. Well done! My first time giving full marks for titles. :) Poster/Background: 5/10 Is that Kiseop in your poster? I'm sorry, I don't know U-kiss members that well. In all honestly, I really dislike the poster. The colours of it generates this nervous and anxious feeling to readers (or me), it makes it seem like your story's genre is somewhat horror, when it's actually romance. I don't really like the red/light brown colours around Kiseop. Forewords: 4/10 Your summary in the forewards is really, really short. I was somehow expecting a short description on how the two main characters meet. You should try and work with a forewards that gives the readers a better knowledge of how the story is going to go. Note that, you can not give too much information. Leave the readers hanging off their seat, make them wonder and start guessing. Plot: 15/15 I love, love, love, love the storyline! The way Kiseop and Sangrae met was just too adorable. Their encounter is something that I've never read before, it's interesting. I love Kiseop's character and personality, he isn't shy and lead all those skinships they had. Creativity/Originality: 8/15 Like I mentioned before, it's really creative and original on how the two of them met. Other than that, the rest of the storyline is very common. Flow: 8/10 The flow was going a neutral and perfect pace until it went up to chapter seven, where Sangrae didn't give an answer to Kiseop when he asked whether she liked him. Out of no where, a few weeks passed. It was fast but even so, it didn't ruin the storyline so it was fine. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10 You didn't have much spelling mistakes and that's wonderful. Your vocabulary is excellent, just avoid being repetitive and use some synonyms, it'll improve your English. Everyone makes grammar mistakes and I'm not too surprised about that because no one is perfect. I'll just point out a few mistakes that's been repeated throughout the story. "Come on, sit down, let's talk" Kiseop said. "Yeah, but Sangrae is going to kill us if she finds us" Sookyun said. Sara sighed, "I'm 18" Can you see the similarities in those three dialogues? You forgot to use fullstops and/or commas before the closing quotation mark. This isn't a big matter but I believe that proper punctuation is actually very important, your points gets deducted when you're writing your English pieces at school. Here's another common error. He put his mouth next to her ear and whispered, "Your mine." Instead of "your", it should have been "you're". Everyone gets mixed up when it comes to all these abreviated forms. When you use "your" the next word will have to be a THING that belongs to the person. Next time when you're unsure of which to use, just un-abreviate the word. Say it out loud, "your mine", "you are mine". Characterization: 4/10 You'll need to work with your characterisations. You rarely describe the characters' physical appearance, not even the situation. You just focussed onto the dialogues. Almost ever chapter, more than eighty percent of it is dialogues. Try adding in more descriptions and be more descriptive, so the readers can really imagine the settings, situations and so forth. Oh, I just reached your latest chapter and realised you're actually moving on to more descriptions that dialogues. Writing Style: 9/10 Your writing style is wonderful! It's not too hard and confusing to read, it was easy to understand. The way you structured your paragraphs and dialogues was very nice and neat, there really is nothing to complain nor criticise about. Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this story, thank you for requesting for me! I'm in a really good mood today because of.. certain reasons -blush-, so I was more generous with the scoring. I'm sorry if I said all these irrevelent things with the review. Anyway, I hope this review with help you with your future stories. Keep updating, I'll be following your story. Sub-Total: 70/100 Extras: 2/5 Total: 72/105 (0 happiness)
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