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Dreams Come (un)True [Review]
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Author: eternalflower Story: Dreams Come (un)True Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/index.php/story/view/1331 Reviewer: Darkess @ ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com *My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you* Title: 5/5 the title is very interesting. I was wondering what this was all about at first, but the title you chose is 100% relevant to the story, and has a hidden meaning that you understand at the end of the story. Poster/Background: 6/10 I thought it was too simple. There aren't any quotes on it, and it doesn't tell really anything about your story except the characters. But it was pretty ^.^ Forewords: 9/10 The only thing that I could suggest for the forwards is that you build a little more on the summary, or give like... a small sneak peek of the story ahead. After reading the Forewords, I really don't know what to expect from your story. Besides that, I love the poems and points of view from Xiah and Jaejoong Plot: 8/15 Too common . I thought that them falling in love after such a short period of time, even if they had noticed each other before and were kind of crushing on each other, was kind of cliche and overused. I loved the twist of Junsu dying, but I thought that you could have added more to the ending to make it more dramatic. Creativity/Originality: 9/15 I'm sad to say that storyline like this are kind of overused. The whole idea of people "falling in love" and then having one of them "die once they're together" is just too common to enjoy anymore. Though, I did like the twist with the 'send me roses if you feel the same'. So Xiah kind of died without knowing if Jaejoong loved him or not, which is sad but super unique :D. I also loved the beach idea, and the 'meet by chance' after Junsu decided to skip school, and Jaejoong was late. Overall, I thought the details you placed in the story were creative, but the storyline itself was not. Spelling / Grammar: 7/10 *wet, because This shouldn't have a comma in it. *Because I never do this before, This should probably be either "Beacuse I've never done this before" or "Because I never do this" *to know how it feels like. to know what it feels like. *How did it feel like? "What did it feel like" or "How did it feel" You seem to use 'how' instead of 'what' quite often throughout the story. *I bring a lot.” Although the story is in present tence, this still needs to be 'I brought a lot." *The waves rolling softly The waves roll softly *eyes stared off to the ocean eyes staring off to the ocean Flow: 10/10 I thought that the flow of the story was perfect. I could see this happening in real time, and everything happened in it's own pace. Characterisation: 4/10 Unfortunately, you told us almost nothing about the characters. The only descriptions were Junsu looking like an angel and Junsu being diligent in school and very smart. I wish you would have dwelt on the characters appearance or personalities a little bit more. I understand that it's a one shot, and that it's hard to fit this in in such a short amount of time, but it really does add so much more effect to the story. It would have especially helped with your surprise ending. because of the lack of description on Junsu, I didn't really ... feel saddened or anything that he died >.< Writing Style: 5/10 You tried to take on a narrative present tence writing style, and you were actually able to succeed with it. Present tense can sometimes make a story a little confusing, but you worked it to your advantage. I was sad that the whole story lacked description. there was absolutely no information in this story to make it seem realistic. I couldn't picture the setting, or the characters, or the uniform, or anything that was going on. And what happened to the rain when they were at the beach? Just wondering. It seemed as if the whole 'rain' idea just kind of left without description. ADD MORE DETAIL! It'll make the story better ^.^ Overall Enjoyment: 2/5 Honestly, I was kind of bored with this story. I didn't really see the point in it. The ending was abrupt, but Junsu's dying didn't really mean a whole lot to me. Add more detail, more feeling, more passion into your writing. Believe me, when a writer truly loves their story and takes great pride in it, the reader can tell. Sadly, I can't tell that you truly love this story from reading it. T.T Subtotal: 65/100 Bonus: 5/5 Present tense ftw :D Total: 70/105 (0 happiness)
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