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12 Months
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Author: Emma-leigh Title: 12 Months Link: http://flyxtoxheaven.livejournal.com/514.html Reviewer: EverlastingQ. Site: VST http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 5/5 When I first read the title, I had some tingly feeling that this story will be something very unexpected, and I was right. Even if the title was referred to by the plot, it's not eye catchy enough to attract readers' eyes. Though, the title fitted perfectly along with the storyline, so that's a bonus. I'll give you full points for this. Poster/Background: 8/10 I'm more of a simplicity person who likes simple things, than complexity. Your poster is very unique and I love it! Especially how the theme is more emotional, dark and cold. I personally really love plain things that are made of the colours black and white. It's amusing how there's only one character on the poster. Usually, authors would prefer two or more characters, this made it much more original. I think it's probably better if you made the title's font (on the poster) a bit bigger, so it stands out more. Forewords: /10 This is a one-shot and you don't really have a forewards. So I guess this can be left out. Don't worry, I'll change the total points to 95 instead of 105. Plot: 7/15 In my opinion, I didn't really like it. It was a little bit boring because of all these descriptions. Well, I don't know whether it was because I only had four hours sleep the night before, or your fanfic isn't amusing. I couldn't stop yawning. It wasn't exciting. I understand how your plot is actually meant to be emotional, but some emotional stories can be exciting too. So exciting that it keeps the readers hanging off their seats. But your plot is different, it was just tragic and wasn't interesting at all. Creativity/Originality: 13/15 My first time to read such a story. It was both creative and original. Out of all the fanfics I've read, this story is the first one that is actually based on the male character's thoughts. Usually, it's from the female's perspectives. It's also interesting how throughout the whole story, there wasn't any females' parts. Your story is one of a kind. Flow: 9/10 I can't say the story went too fast nor too slow. It was the right pace. Because each parts are determined by the months, I guess it wasn't fast at all. The story went smoothly, each chapter had around the same speed as to how it continued. It was incredibly, perfect. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10 I couldn't spot much spellling or grammar mistakes. Everything was almost perfect but you had one or two typos, which wasn't very obvious. Your vocabulary of words that you used in the story is very detailed and realistic. You use strong words to describe certain things. Some of your sentences are way too long, you separate the parts with commas, when most of them would be better off with full stops. For the sentences that needs commas, you leave them out and everything didn't make sense. Okay, I would like to point a few mistakes out. Your mistake: "They hadn’t noticed the dullness the filled the normally shinning eyes... etc." That sentence didn't really make sense, mainly because of the second 'the'. Did you mean, they hadn't noticed the dullness THAT filled the normally shining eyes... etc. Also, the word shining is spelt with only one 'n', not two. Your mistake: "He could only hang on for that day and pray that he’d find hid smile again." A little spelling mistake in that short sentence, you think you can find it? Instead of his, it should have been his. These little mistakes are very common, where your fingers accidentally hit the wrong keys. Your mistake: ".....more and more original and plan boring." Yeah, another common error, you missed out a letter in the second last word, plan. Which is supposed to be plain. Your mistake: ‘I’m fine Yoochun,’ Changmin shouted out after the man... etc." If Changmin shouted, the end of the dialogue be an exclamation mark instead of a comma. Exclamation marks are used to illustrate emotions and your tone, especially when shouting. In July, one of sentences were pretty stuffed up because you used the wrong tense. Instead of span, it should have been spun. If you go back and reread that part, you should see the difference. Characterization: 8/10 You clearly describe every situation well and not to mention, the characters' personality. Through actions that you descripted, it was so obvious what kind of temper Changmin has, same goes to Yoochun. Changmin is the emotional type that likes to block everyone out of his world after a tragic event, Yoochun is a nice guy that likes to help even if it means he'll get hurt. Am I right here? Though, you still need to work on describing physical appearances. You did a few times, but maybe more would be best. Writing Style: 8/10 Although your sentences and all are very detailed, they're not yet specific enough, if you get what I mean. You go on and on about random things, but it never gets to the main point. Sometimes, you've got me clueless and I have no idea what your sentences mean. Be more specific, get into the point, it doesn't matter how much you describe about a certain situation. If the readers don't understand, then that's a fail. Overall Enjoyment: 1/5 As I stated above, I didn't really like it. Honestly, I wanted to stop reading before I even reached March. By the way, did you post this story on 2OD forums? Because I think I stumbled upon it once. Thanks for requesting at Ver-sah-tyle! I hope this review helps you. Sub-Total: 66/90 Extras: 2/5 Total: 68/95 (0 happiness)
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