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Picking up the Pieces [Review]
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Author: Evaa Title: Picking up the Pieces Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/PuTP Reviewer: Tammy Site: VST http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 4/5: The title is has a dramatic effect to it, even though I have seen many times before. The title suits whatever genre there is, so it should be easy for you to adapt from it. I just hope the rest lives to my expectations just from the title. Poster/Background: 8/10: The poster recreates another side to your title. As I have said before, it suits almost every genre and the poster gave an edge to it. It is well blended together along with what I believe are shattered glass. The pictures of your main characters are amazingly brought out by the background, although I think you should’ve picked a different picture for the poster. As the title says “Picking up the Pieces” and the quote consists of someone having a broken heart, their faces sure seem too happy and blissful for them to be heartbroken. You should consider the feelings you have planned for your characters so that the pictures can easily blend in and the readers would easily understand. Nonetheless, it looks sweet already. Forewords: 5/10: I am sorry for giving you a low score on this one, I know it’s your first time writing a fanfic but my criticisms here should really help you in the future. You have mentioned about the main characters and your personal notes… but there are a lot missing here that should keep the readers reading. You have forgotten to mention about the genre, the length and/or the ratings. A teaser won’t hurt either, as it is the most important component into fishing some readers. Give them a hint of what your story might be like. While I read through your forewords, I was wondering if you were attached to brackets because it comes up more then often. What is the point of (?) If you are not sure with what you’re saying, then how are you supposing that the readers will? Do not just assume they will automatically understand what you’re talking about. Also, you have pointed out the obvious by saying “This story is about FT Island” I’m sure the readers already figured that out just by the poster. I do hope you will add more description here so that the readers would ache for you to update again. One last note: please don’t underestimate 15-year-olds into writing rated stories, as I am one myself. Plot: 12/15: So far, Chapter 1 was well explained and put out. I like the way you used your main made up plot and blended it into the real happening of FT Island. Although the happenings occurred way too fast, almost everything was a blur. It was like an expanded version of a typical best friend story where you go “he did this then after that he went over here and then did this.” It was way too much information in just a few sentences. This should’ve been in the forewords as it is the main overview of the story and how it would start. In chapter 2, everything was also the same. But I am proud of your very descriptive and explanatory extracts. It is almost like you’re a professional at writing, but the information you give is mostly serious and factual, maybe you can put in someone’s point of view in there so that the readers can easily empathize with the character. Plus, you can also add a little sarcasm for a little laughter or frustration in the passage. The way that Wonbin and Minhwan broke up because of a misunderstanding along with JaeJin, as I have mentioned already, it would be best if you put it their POV’s so that we know what they’re really feeling, rather. In chapter 3, which I think, is the longest so far was great! I have to be honest; I was so engaged into reading every single word in there. I could clearly grasp the idea of the story and felt the emotions right through me. Well Done! I hope the future chapters out to be as good as the first ones! Creativity/Originality: 12/15: I have read something like this before so the originality part would be a minus, although this would be the first time I’ve read of it about FT Island. You have thought well about your plot and explained everything with great detail. GREAT Flow: 8/10: everything was great but the flow can be a little fast in some passages. Maybe you can slow it down a bit and add a little more speech. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10: Well done to you, since those are very much completed to the full. I didn’t see many mistakes in any of those categories. Characterization: 7/10: Even though I enjoyed reading the 3 chapters so far, I am not fond of yaoi pairings, but you just changed my mind. Writing Style: 10/10: Your writing style is one of the best I have read, and I have read a lot! I really couln’t find my root for criticisms here as you have just pleased me with your story so far. Overall Enjoyment: 4/5 Sub-Total: /100 Extras: 3/5 Total: 83/105 (0 happiness)
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