|
welcome WELCOME TO VST-REVIEWS Okay so here's the deal; this is where you pick up your review once they are done. Make sure you tag us once you have picked up your review.! Thank you for requesting @ VERSAHTYLE. We look forward to having you again. site info name.VST-Review featuring.FT ISLAND.version1 content.Reviews contact.versahtyle@hotmail.com established.3rd May 2oo9 WebMissie.Jaelliex3 Co-WebMissie.SaMaNtHa navigation TAG.US; song.of.D`month I Hope - FT Island link us 
the.past credits basecodes.chazzie layout.nana host.blogger |
I'll Back off so You Can Live Better
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Author: cnboice_sky94 Title: I'll Back off so You Can Live Better Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/9491/i-ll-back-off-so-you-can-live-better-kyuhyun Reviewer: `strawberryparfait Site: VST http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 3/5 - To be frank, I didn't really like the title, title is like the main object inside a story, the title means a lot. The title didn't attract my eyes to read your story, a little advice in getting a nice title is that, you should think of a precise word or a two, which could be an adequate for the plot, if you want to attract many readers. This is just a little explanation for your title, I'll back off so you can live better, the 'can' word should be could, in my point of view. It is because you are giving him a chance to live better, it is because you are giving him a change to be a better person. Can is for like someone who will really make something happen, not just a superstition and not just an opinion. Poster/Background: 7/10 -The poster is great, seriously, it is. What I noticed about it is that, it didn't really matched the storyline, not that I am being boastful, I can't even make my own background, anyways, as I was saying, the advice I could give you if you are requesting some backgrounds for your story is to find a poster or graphic maker which suits your story, there are a lot of good artists on every request website, try to find a graphic artists who could make you a soothing graphic and which could suit the story :) Forewords: 8/10 -- I like the description, I like how you thought of some lines which the readers could have and gain some interest, and honestly, I am one of them. It made me read your story, until the end, curious about what is going to happen. It was short, but meaningful. Though, you should have told the characters personalities, and such. But it was great. Plot: 13/15 --It was at first interesting, of course, then when I was scanning and reading, I got bored. got bored because of something's which are too obvious. As I was reading, I can't help but to think of the other possibilities of the ending. The possibilities and some ideas which literally popped into my mind while scanning on your work. Didn't Ji Eun heard them talking, why did she cried? to come and think of it, Kyuhyun didn't do something wrong, and about Seohyun, they were just talking and hanging out. If you thought of something dreadful, I could surely accept her running away and crying. Maybe if you added some more of the conversation, like, perhaps, Seohyun told Kyuhyun that she loves her, and Kyuhyun told her that he loves her back. Creativity/Originality: 13/15 --It was great, seriously it is. Though, some of the parts are to obvious, what surprised me was she committed suicide. It was surprising, knowing to a fact that she haven't even gave Kyuhyun sometime to speak. She didn't even gave him a chance to explain himself. Another thing, Siwon knows Seohyun was just acting, Seohyun knows what happened, didn't she told Siwon that it was all a misunderstanding? But anyways, I never seen a story this abrupt. Flow: 7/10 --The flow, the flow of the story was short. Of course its a one shot, but then again, I would positively advice you to create more scene, though, as have said, it was just a one shot, The flow of the story was a little confusing. On how the characters ended up on those specific places, how they got there, how they got out. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10 -You're a good writer, but then, you are always mistaking a sentence to be in just that particular thing only. What I mean is that, some of your sentences is independent, some of them are depended but you already ended it up with a period, I'll be stating one of your sentences and I will make my own version of it. She didn’t want to leave the rain. The rain was covering her tears. --She didn't want want to leave the rain, because it was covering her tears. (don't leave a thought hanging.) To be honest, I haven't seen any spelling mistakes, only the poncutuation marks, well that could be changed in a way if you practice and create some phrases and clauses then combine them together. Characterization: 9/10 --The characters in your story are in a small number of people only, as we could all tell it is just a one-shot. I didn't really get it why you need to insert Minho, at first, when I read the last part, I thought how did Minho got here, is he a part of Ji-Eun's life, and yes, he is. He is one of his brothers, you should have told and described Minho even if it just one or two sentence. But then again, you've given a perfect explanation on Ji Eun and Kyuhyun. Seohyun, Ryeowok and Siwon had a minor role though they have emphasized the story more. Great Job. Writing Style: 8/10 --A little advice, try to be more descriptive. To avoid some confusing thoughts, try to be more descriptive and add more realization on your story, try to add more facts, their thoughts, dialogs. Try to add up more on the story and not just plain. But then again, your writing style is easy to read, I liked how the way you emphasized the words, how they matched up the characters so much. Overall Enjoyment: 4/5 -- The story was different of all the past stories. It was tragic, not that realistic but it was romanticism, an unrequited love. Sub-Total: 80/100 Extras: 4/5 Total: 84/105 (0 happiness)
Sharing Is Caring :
|
Post a Comment