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The heart of stone
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Author: lovehebe Title: The heart of stone Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/hebefanatic/ Reviewer: Juliada3 Site: VST http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com Title: 2/5 The title sounds okay, but the h in heart and the s in stone should both be capitalized, as it is a title. It does not sound very interesting, and might not make readers want to click on your story. Poster/Background: 7/10 Your poster is very good. It gives the impression of a dark or gloomy feel that fits your story perfectly. The only problem I have is with the background. The graphics make it a little difficult for readers to read the text. If the background was a solid color, then it would be much easier to read your story. Forewords: 6/10 You introduced your characters, but in doing so you revealed part of your plot. You said that Ya Tou and Wang Zi were a couple, when in your story, they were still in the crush phase. If you just wrote about the characters' personalities, that would have been perfect. You gave a short preview, which you ended with a cliffhanger. If you wrote a little longer preview, that might draw readers in more, then just the few brief sentences you provided. Plot: 8/15 Your plot did not really seem clear. There did not seem to be a conflict, besides the fact that Arron is trying to figure out who Gui Gui really is. I feel like there needs to be something else added to your story, or else it will just be boring. Add a bad guy, or someone that is investigating the fire. This way, the action will push your story along, and the main focus of the story won't just be Arron trying to find out who Gui Gui is. Creativity/Originality: 9/15 I liked that you made Gui Gui have powers, as that is not common in fanfics. You also made her have an internal conflict as a result of that power, which made her seem like more of a person. If you continue adding more creative ideas, your fanfic will be terrific! Flow: 5/10 Your flow did not seem like it was going very fast. It also seemed like every chapter did not seem to have a point. In every chapter, you should strive to make something new or unexpected happen, or bring a new obstacle into the mix. In your latest chapter, it didn't seem like there was any reason for the chapter at all. I felt that it could have gone with the previous chapter fine. If you make your chapters longer and have something new every time, I think that your story will become much more appealing. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10 Your grammar is off a lot, and you often miss periods and forgot words that would otherwise make your sentences perfect. I noticed that there would be times that you would use the wrong tense. If you ask someone to proofread it, maybe it won't have as many errors. :) I also feel you need to use better vocabulary, more imagery in your story. You need to be able to allow your reader to visualize what you are writing about. Characterization: 5/10 You did not use many adjectives, or imagery, in describing your characters. You should take more time and describe the settings, and scenes, and characters more thoroughly. I feel that scenic narration would serve your story best. Your characters don't seem to come alive for me. You need to give them some shape. Add some sort of dimension to them, make them a real person. You could use indirect characterization to give more details about the main characters, and give the readers something to think about your characters. Be descriptive! Writing Style: 8/10 Your writing style is pretty good. It is in paragraph form, which is perfect, as it is possible to add lots of detail. You leave space in between paragraphs, so it doesn't get too hard to read or find where you are in the story. Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 I actually enjoyed your story. It seems like an interesting concept. :) Sub-Total: 60/100 Extras: 5/5 Good luck on your story!! Total: 65/105 (0 happiness)
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